the wanderings my mind takes

Day 12

I almost threw in the towel! For some reason, last night was real rough. Today hasn’t been a picnic so far, either.

I only have a few more days of Wellbutrin left. The bottle is empty!! 😦  I don’t want to spend the money going to the Dr to get more. The reason I decided to quit was that I couldn’t afford to smoke. If I can’t afford $8 for a pack of smokes, then I sure can’t afford to pay a doctor bill.

Damn it, damn it, damn it!!

Just going to have to try and tough it out. The problem is that the meds help with the part of the brain that says, ‘ Hey, how about a smoke. You REALLY need a smoke. Come on, one won’t kill you!’

Time to get back to soaping. I hurt too much to clean anything, so I’ll make soap. I want to make some Oatmeal Honey bars and I have been saving bacon grease to try a new bacon soap recipe I created. (I live with a couple of bacon fanatics and it grew from there)

I only have the one mold my husband made, so I think it will be oatmeal today. Or, maybe I could try pouring it into the PVC pipe! I did it once but tried to take it out too soon and ruined the soap. I could do the oatmeal in it and leave it sit for a few days and still have the rectangle for making bacon!

Yep, I think that’s what I’ll do. I wanted to try the pipe again. I would like to have some round soap to offer. I don’t know why I like the sight of the round bars so much, but it is more pleasing to the eyes, to me.

So, keep me in your thoughts. I really am trying to stay a non-smoker! This is hard!! 😦 It never ends! One day is easy and then you pay with two difficult days. Damn! I think I have a bit more understanding of what a junkie must go through. It’s always in the back of your mind, that little tickle, like a tendril of smoke, wisping past your nose.

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